Tag: teenage

Mornings

I describe my mornings as, unlike many other peoples. Why may you ask? Well, I wake up every day with a constant fear of what is in store. You may even say the fear starts the night before when I am going to bed. The thing is I am unlike most people because of a diagnosis I received two years ago. Anorexia Nervosa has since then impacted most of my days, hours, and minutes since then. It starts in the morning when I wake up with stomach pains because I damaged my digestive system so much that still, it has not repaired itself. Then we move on to getting dressed. Oh, how I used to love this part of my day. I could wear whatever I wanted to without any backlash from my body or mind, and now my body quivers at the thought of tight clothing. Not because I don’t like the way I look, but because I hate the way I feel – no wonder I own nine pairs of sweatpants -. Next, I go downstairs when I should be eating my first meal, but nope not with how my schooling schedule is planned out, and definitely not with how my digestive system aches. So now that I am probably late for school, I leave to go to a class I’m more than likely suffering in. Commonly for the next couple hours, till I go home, I will sit in a dull ache in my whole body, try to stay focused. Now I drive home, immediately change into clothes that I feel good in. After this, I start my 1 of 6 meals for the day. I’ll end this here, or I’d be encroaching on my afternoon, and that’s a whole new story.

The Girl I Used To Know

I thought it would be fitting to take myself back to the time I came into high school, specifically Innisdale Secondary School. It was orientation day, and my mother and I were touring around the school. We ended up talking to a teacher I now know as Mr.Fraser, and at the time, of course, I didn’t listen to anything the teachers had to say. Now I think about it all the time. He told me ‘the friends you will make are you’ and here five years later I wish I would have listened. I spent the first two years with a group of people I thought I would know forever, and in those first two years of my high school journey I thought wow it is true when they say high school is the best years of your life. Now I think, jeez if that is the case for you I feel bad. I wonder where in my life I would be if I had stayed the course of destruction I was on. Running from authority, responsibility, choosing the wreckage instead of restoration, eating away at myself from the inside out, pretending to be someone I didn’t even know, allowing myself to be in situations that I knew could only end a couple ways, and live a life that was never meant for me. But maybe the path I had taken was perfect because would I be me if it wasn’t for her? The girl I used to know.