Mornings

I describe my mornings as, unlike many other peoples. Why may you ask? Well, I wake up every day with a constant fear of what is in store. You may even say the fear starts the night before when I am going to bed. The thing is I am unlike most people because of a diagnosis I received two years ago. Anorexia Nervosa has since then impacted most of my days, hours, and minutes since then. It starts in the morning when I wake up with stomach pains because I damaged my digestive system so much that still, it has not repaired itself. Then we move on to getting dressed. Oh, how I used to love this part of my day. I could wear whatever I wanted to without any backlash from my body or mind, and now my body quivers at the thought of tight clothing. Not because I don’t like the way I look, but because I hate the way I feel – no wonder I own nine pairs of sweatpants -. Next, I go downstairs when I should be eating my first meal, but nope not with how my schooling schedule is planned out, and definitely not with how my digestive system aches. So now that I am probably late for school, I leave to go to a class I’m more than likely suffering in. Commonly for the next couple hours, till I go home, I will sit in a dull ache in my whole body, try to stay focused. Now I drive home, immediately change into clothes that I feel good in. After this, I start my 1 of 6 meals for the day. I’ll end this here, or I’d be encroaching on my afternoon, and that’s a whole new story.